Anyone who has ever seen any kind of romantic comedy knows what I’m about to talk about. The movie starts off the same every time. Everyone is blissful and naive. The main characters are happy together but they aren’t really headed in the right direction. Then all of the sudden, something disastrous happens and things get complicated. One character (usually the one who was cast aside) realizes that they were living their life wrong and starts to change for the better. They make all these amazing improvements (new job, new hobby, rebuilding something, becoming more attractive) and generally start to get their shit together. After they’ve gone through these changes the other character serendipitously runs into them. After a brief, somewhat awkward exchange, the characters realize that they’ve both grown and that they’re perfect for each other. The movie ends with an image of the sun setting and the silhouette of the two main characters holding hands and oozing lovesick happiness all over the theater (or your living room if you’re more of a “watch movies at home” kinda person like me).
I feel like right now, if my life was a movie, I’d be in the “get your shit together” portion of the film. High school and middle school were really tough for me. I never felt like I fit in and had no idea what I wanted out of life or what to do to be happy. I was extremely depressed and my priorities were all over the place. My senior year of high school I took a step back from the way I was living and realized that it was time to take action. I was tired of blaming everyone else for the funk I chose to live in. I started to develop this fiery work ethic and killer spirit. I was sick of telling people about things I wished I could do when I could have easily been out actively pursuing my dreams. My freshman year of college I kept changing and growing into myself. I took a lot of time off from life to clear my head and start down a good path. In other words, I was getting my shit together (yep, I’m going to keep saying it). I’m happier right now than I’ve been in years. I honestly can’t remember the last time in my life when I had this many good days. I feel like all too often bloggers try to hide anything “real” and I don’t want to do that so I figured I’d share. I’ve been really anxious recently and I can’t pinpoint why. Usually my anxiety is a warning sign of depression, but I’m trying to stay focused because that’s what’s always helped pull me through. I went through a week or so at the end of my spring semester when all of the drama in my life seemed to be threatening to take it’s toll. I was terrified that the big change I was anticipating would hurl me back into my depression again and I’m so glad to say that it didn’t. I’ve grown so much and I still have so much more to learn about life and myself. I’m so happy that I am at this place in my life. I’m not sure why I shared that but it feels nice to have it off my chest. I’ve had so much on my mind recently!
In all honesty though, I prefer movies that don’t have happy endings (or at least conventional happy endings). I see things very realistically and prefer movies that mirror that in a way. One of my favorites of all time is Up in the Air. If you haven’t seen it, I highly recommend it.
Tonight I canceled my plans and I’m staying in and watching movies. I’m so exhausted that I really just couldn’t bring myself to do anything else. I do have a spot of good news though. I’m starting to adjust to my work schedule and I’m finally figuring out how to balance my day job with my craft love. Sorry for such a downer post, I’m really in good spirits! I just have a lot on my mind recently.
Tomorrow is FRIDAYYY!!!! I can’t wait :).