Religion Envy

Buddy Jesus

Recently I’ve been feeling jealous of people with strong religions. Over time I’ve started following quite a few blogs written by ladies of faith and I’m always amazed at their belief system and the role it plays in their lives.

I suppose I should start this post by backing up a bit on my religious past. I grew up in a Catholic household and when I was in middle school I started attending a very liberal christian church. Through middle school and high school I went on many missions trips and attended a few conferences with my church. I volunteered a lot and have many journal pages filled with my musings about my relationship with God. Later in high school my church went through a lot of changes and I was very turned off by some of the new leadership actions that were taken in my church. I went from feeling like a very strong woman of God to avoiding all ties with the religion. I took a few years off of church while I attempted to find answers on my own. It wasn’t until late last year that I found a new church and started sporadically attending. This semester I’m determined to get more involved because I’m finding myself longing for the days when I felt I had a strong faith.

Back to the present day. I’ve been struggling recently and feeling rather lost. I’m not sure where my future is headed and to be honest I feel as though my life is a bit out of control. I’m hopelessly lonely but feeling depressed so I rarely go out. Since being back in Chicago I’ve found myself watching too much TV and not doing enough of the things I love to do. I think back to the times I was highly involved in my church and reminisce about the quality friendships I gained through those activities. Almost all of my closest friends are those I met at church and bonded with while volunteering or at bible study groups. While I feel skeptical about the existence and role of a greater power, I cannot deny that my life was better when I was more faithful.

I’m still hesitant about church. I originally stepped back from Christianity because I feel that far too often people use it as an excuse to further their own hateful agendas. Condemning people who have other beliefs is not my thing. I don’t like to be associated with Christians who stand on a street corner handing out bibles and telling strangers that they are sinners who will burn in hell. I know every religion has their extremists and it’s not necessarily a reason to steer clear. It’s definitely something to consider though.

Anyways, that was quite a bit of thinking out loud. Are you ladies (and gents) religious? I’m always curious about this. If you aren’t, do you ever have any religious envy like me? People with strong faith seem so certain. I wonder if that certainty comes from a relationship with a God of your choosing.

4 thoughts on “Religion Envy

  1. Mal,These two comments are so true.Live your life with a kind and unselfish spirit, go to that place within you where there is calmness and "light" and you will be as close to God as any religion can bring you.

  2. I agree with Ariel.I too have a relationship, not a religion. I think, too, that Christian often miss the point. Its not about getting people to take the bait, it's about living in a way that loves others the best we can and letting them choose [and in my stance, choose Christ]. Politicians and activists that use society and government to force people into Christian rules are just doing the opposite of God's plan. God gave us a gift – we can never earn it, but we can choose to accept it. If there is a law that restricts our choices under God, then how can anyone have an authentic relationship? Also, have you told God how you feel? Journaling, praying, talking to a faith-friend might help you sort this out.

  3. Hey Malz, I've always said faith is about a relationship, not a religion. Religion is man-made and you don't have to fit into the box of any one religion, that's the beauty of faith: you can express it however you want :)Feel better, I love you!

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