Last week I discovered that the boy I had been dating was in a committed relationship with someone else (FOR A WHILE) that I knew nothing about. I also found out that this dumpster-fuck bought flowers from me (his side bitch) that were gorgeous and amazing and sold to him AT COST for his new girl (also known as his main bitch). News like that tends to shake up your world and at first I was feeling pretty bad for myself. But then, I got the fuck over it. Know why? Because I had NO IDEA. Women constantly beat themselves up over being in relationships that went sour and they blame themselves. But why do we do this? I’ve been wrestling with this feeling all week and wavering between self pity (shhhhh I deserve to give myself some of that) and this righteous “I’M A GROWN-ASS LADY WHO IS WAY TOO FUCKIN’ GOOD FOR THIS SHIT” attitude. Luckily for me, I’ve been erring more on the side of that second group of feelings than the self-pity. So, in the spirit of being a single lady in my early 20’s living this dating life full of womanizers, liars, the boys who are WAY too stoked on sex, and the occasional “nice guy” who’s actually not a nice guy – I’ve decided to list my favorite ways to handle a break-up.
- ALL OF THE ICE CREAM. Is this a cliche? Fuckin’ right it is and FOR A REASON. Nothing soothes the feelings of being a surprise “other woman” like the smooth deliciousness of ice cream.
- The trashiest of trashy TV. Know what makes you feel better about your own life? The teenagers on One Tree Hill who act like 30-year-olds and get into major car accidents, have sex with everyone, hang out in clubs with major celebs, and have a ridiculous amount of disposable income and no parents. Is it good TV? NOPE. Does it make you feel good to binge-watch it on Netflix while you eat all of the ice cream? You bet your sweet ass it does.
- Your favorite friends. I’ve been soaking up so much friend time it’s unreal. Know what makes you forget about scum-bags who cheat on you (I guess technically I was the one helping him cheat…)? All of the incredible friends in your life that feed you ice cream, beaucoup beer, and let you borrow their favorite books to help distract you from the dumpster-fire that is your personal life.
- Drinking. No, I’m not kidding and no, this is probably not a healthy way for one to “deal with their emotions”. But guess what? Being gin drunk is FUN. So is being drunk off of the really classy kind of beer brewed at local places and costs more than beer should cost but looks really cool in instagram pictures. And being drunk while you’re with your favorite friends is FUN. Plus, what the fuck else are you supposed to do to celebrate the few sad victories of adulthood other than buy beer legally and get a little shitty sometimes?
- Not wearing pants. This is actually my way to deal with most things in life but it ESPECIALLY applies here. Stay home, don’t put real pants on, invite your favorite friends over, crack open some beers, put on some trashy TV, and eat all of the ice cream. Done, done, and DONE.
I hope you all had an excellent week. Keep following along for more adventures in the life of your token single friend ;).